Hi guys! Just so you know I’m still alive.

After two and a half years, I’ve finally been able to free myself from the chains of corporate life. While I still don’t know how to manage my finances I feel a little better now. I’m really happy that I’ve been able to pursue my interest in filmmaking.



In fact, last month I participated in the Davao Ngilngig Film Festival which had the theme ‘Town Tales and Superstitions’. Our entry, Panabi , was our workshop output from a film camp that took place last June. Today, I’ll be heading to General Santos City to participate in an intensive learning program for aspiring filmmakers in Mindanao and attend the Salamindanaw Asian Film Festival.

I honestly don’t know how I got myself into all of these but maybe it’s a combination of my passion, being surrounded by very supportive and generous individuals and perhaps some stroke of luck. I’m just so ecstatic and I can’t wait for this vorfreude to actualize. I may be jobless at the moment but I’m feeling very blessed.

In case you want to know, I wasn't able to save any money from my previous job. Hahaha. So I've been really struggling to get by these days. I've been worrying about where I'd get the pocket money to attend this event and all. But yeah, I managed to get some projects and work out some deals. As a matter of fact, through the help of my friend Kuya Avel, I now have a place to stay in Gensan a day before the festival.

I will be staying at Driggs Suites, the newest tourist Inn in Gensan. I heard they’ve been running for more than a year now and have offered excellent service and accommodation to their guests. I can’t wait to share with you some photos of my accommodation. But for the meantime, please check them out on facebook.

I know I've been really dark, gloomy and depressive for the past year but that doesn't mean I can't be thankful for anything. So let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who's been with me at my lowest and let's hope for more posts like this especially now that I'm trying to pursue what I love.

I'll keep this short for now! Til my next post. <3

The thing about depression is that it turns you into a cold hearted motherfucker. You know that life is just all against you and there’s nothing you can do about it. One day you wake up and you kind of just submit to all these pointless sufferings. It’s like you have finally accepted that life is a lemon throwing asshole in the sky. And you can’t make lemonade out of that, right?

You start faking a smile around people just to make it seem that you’re okay. It irritates you how and why you’re surrounded by a bunch of hypocrites. Don’t you all get sad and mopey and miserable at times? But the thing about my depression is that it’s not at all sad, mopey and miserable. Just, sometimes!



The moment you start hoarding food from your refrigerator? And gobble up let’s say, the leftover cake from your brother’s birthday? That’s when self-loathing shifts to misanthropy real quick. You can get as cold as ice, as bitter as your earwax and go on a judging spree on facebook. While eating the leftover cake of course.

Fb Friend: Off to the gym!
Me: Off to a cliff and jump to my horrible horrible death!

FB Friend shared a photo “Quote about Success.”
Me: The closest I have to success is getting out of bed to get food from the fridge and then run back to the bedroom before anyone sees me. *scrolls down*

FB Friend: “Unfriending all these negative people on Facebook.”
Me: Bitch can't do it without announcing. Hey Little Miss Pocketful of Sunshine living in your make-believe, naive and ridiculously all too positive world. Pick me!!!

FB Friend: “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ~Buddha
Me: I thought your hairline is just reclining. Now, you're quoting Buddha? Looks like someone's going to Tibet. Everyone's going somewhere and I'm here on my bed. At least I still have my hair. Lots of hair.

Maybe it’s good that I’m actually secluded and away from hoomans. Unfortunately for our cats, they entered my room. And I just channelled my bitterness towards these feline creatures and started what would be called "catsanthropy".

What’s up with you cat? Why are you so fucking cute? I want to rip your eyes out and replace it with fish eyes that way you’ll even be cuter.

Oh there’s another one!?

Why do you look like Willem Dafoe?

Great, another cat!? Now life is a cat throwing something something?

This cat has three colors. Ugly!!

Hey, Garfield! Lose the damn weight. People are gonna judge you. I'm judging you.

Stop playing with your shadow idiot!

Now you’re all up in my bed?

Stop that! It’s cute.

It’s making me happy. I’m not supposed to feel this way.

I invoke my right to be gloomy and bitter. Like Wednesday Addams! (If the Addams ever decide to adopt a Filipino baby and call it 'Thursday'.)

Why are you all here?

Oh, you’re really cute.

Hey, I need to justify my depression with sadness. Just stop fucking with my feelings!

Fuck these cats.

Oh!

God!

No!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

A cat just pooped on my bed.

Tales in Depression Part 1

DEMENTORS

It was a Tuesday when I decided to take a day off from work. It was June 2016, a few days before I turned one year in our small company. I do graphic design for a living, my first real job and it's currently what pays for our dailies. "One year", I said. Most people would consider it a milestone and a part of me actually believes that. But I'm confused to whether I should say "It's already a year and. . ." or "It's only been a year but. . .".

If there's anything I learned in the past, it's that time can be very tricky. It's relative to our experiences, purview and what have we. It's as if I was taken back to my second year high school biology class under Mrs. Sausora when time was slow to a stop.

According to Philip Siekevitz, Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Brain cells die in just minutes. So when you think or say something stupid you may have already died a million times inside. A walking piece of gradual decay against a bustling city life. If I remembered it right, I wasn't even walking then. I was on my computer scrolling through selfies, videos, hugots and whatnots from people who are (hashtag) #livingthelife.



Then came the news! The news! It was a complete hemorrhage.

As I was contemplating of my year-long hiatus in 'trying to do film', suddenly came a really big problem. I really thought I, on the very least, have lessen the frequent visits of loan sharks knocking at our doorstep. But the problem isn't with those guys. The problem was just there right beside of us. It's as if we haven't got enough. This time we got sandwiched! I really can't get into the details about our problem but it's not just a financial one. It's also about keeping home and having peace of mind.

I will be honest with you. It almost feels like I was a naked potato. And when you have all these problems coming right at you all at once it can get overwhelming. Like you're about to sink. Just like that time when I nearly drowned in a swimming pool.

All of a sudden light began to fade, the cold started to bite and I was transported to an empty parking lot with dementors, about ten or more, encircling me. And the worst part is? I just stood there like a cell without mitochondria.

I’m not sure what’s going on with me right now. But I have been soaking myself in a lot of negative emotions lately. Also, I don’t fear on missing out anymore. In fact, I love and enjoy my time with myself doing the things I like or doing absolutely nothing at all. And I hate myself for that.



It eases my depression at times but when I realize that the world doesn't stop and that I have to make up for the missing times, I just become more depressed. What makes it worse is that I have to come up with a lie so I won't have to say I'm depressed. I didn't sign up to be a compulsive liar but I'm starting to be one lately. Lying is just so much easier than saying "I'm depressed".

Insecurities

I’m aware that I’m trapped in a cycle; In a limbo that I can’t seem to get out off. And while I’ve been dealing with a lot of regret, insecurities are gobbling every part of me as well. I live in a bubble of inaction and thoughts. I’ve been dreaming a lot. I've been staring at the ceiling for God knows how long. I can't get myself out of bed and sometimes I wish I didn't have to wake up. But I need to. I have to try.

Call it Quarter Life Crisis!

I don’t even know if quarter life crisis is for real or someone just made it up for the heck of it. Don’t get me wrong. I have been trying to help myself ever since. I have tried countless times for the past six months and I've got nothing.

Yes. I realized this over a month ago as I checked through my payslips. It started around June when I turned one year in our company. One year. And I thought, hey it’s only been a year but that feels a lot and you have all these problems coming right at you and you’re only half as you imagined you to be. You’re probably not even half. You’re probably still nothing.

I was nothing when I started. A complete reboot after graduation. You think it’s a joke when older folks would say “Welcome to the real world.”? Well if you don't call your parents Mommy and Daddy it’s not a joke. Reality comes with bills and other responsibilities and they will all come right at you and rip your face off. My problems just piled up since then.

The Hardest Part

The hardest part is that I can't open up to anyone about this simply because that means drama. I don't like wasting other people's time for drama. I have been called many names but I don't want to be called such an 'actor'.

This is probably why I'm writing about it instead. It might help. I don't know.

So far only one has offered help and it felt good. Made me think "Hey, I still have friends". But that person has done a lot for me already and I don't want to be a bother to anyone. I feel like I should be able to understand myself first before I open up to anyone about this.

Until then, I'll keep to myself. I'm sorry.

98/365. River rush. #vscocam #davao #rio

A photo posted by 真希 / Maki C. (@immarkable) on Apr 8, 2015 at 4:01am PDT

Everything was going okay until on our way home we ran into some trouble. It was already getting dark and we realized it might take us longer if we trace our way back home. So we took a detour and got ourselves... lost! There were a few people passing by so we were still okay by then. A few turns and we saw a jeepney at the end of a street. We thought it was the highway so we continued with our steps.

99/365. Drought. There might as well be cactuses, hawks, tumbleweeds and chameleon. Summer is extra hot lately! ☔🌞🌵 #vscocam #vscogood #vsco #vscophile #vscoph #drought #lookupdavao #sky #summer

A photo posted by 真希 / Maki C. (@immarkable) on Apr 9, 2015 at 3:55am PDT

But suddenly a figure from a distance emerged which gradually made our paces slower until we stopped. I stood frozen in there trying to reason with the kids that it's not what it looks like. "Kuya, buang na?" (Older brother, is that a crazy person?). "I don't know", I said. "Just act normal. Like you didn't see it." But I guess it was already too late for that.

The stranger noticed us. You see, we wouldn't have stopped if the person looked normal at all.The stranger had a red complexion. I don't know if the person was a he or a she because I didn't bring my glasses. And it was hard to take a closer look when your heart starts beating fast and all you could ever think about are the kids. I mean they're my responsibility! If anything bad happens I don't know what I'm gonna do. I ought to protect them. Anyway, the stranger was wearing a red tattered shirt and he was carrying a sack ala Tom Sawyer. I thought he was just one of those hippies who collects garbage. But then he stood up revealing a bottle of beer on his right and then he screamed "Dili ko buaaaaaangggg!". (I'm not crazy!!!)



"Then my heart go shalalala!"




So we ran. The crazy person ran. While running I told my sister to take a look if it's still following us and it was! I was not prepared for this at all. It doesn't think. It doesn't feel. It doesn't give up. It follows!

I've never felt so bad in a longest time and that kind of bad is gonna haunt me on my sleep. I know I can handle myself and but what about the kids? We ended up back to the riverside but this time I think we've gone to the Muslim area and we had no choice but to ask someone for another way out. I was just glad that the people there are very friendly and they seem concerned about us. Unfortunately, there was no other way so we braved our way back to the street where the crazy person was and it was still there! Damn it. The stranger was just standing in the middle of the street looking at the sky.

Looking at the sky!

Who looks at the freakin sky?

Well, everyone does apparently.

We were on a junction. On the left is the street where the buang (crazy person) was. So with extreme caution we did a power walk turn to the right! Altogether! Without looking back. But of course, I just had to. I just had to take a peek. Why? I don't know. It doesn't make sense but I guess...Huhuhu. I just had to.

And then it noticed us.

Ohhmmaaaygahd...what...the..fuck!

He saw us! He saw us! Luckily a truck passed by which served as the distraction. We used that to our advantage so we ran as fast as we could, even faster than the last time and we lost him again. And the next thing we know we were at home saying we're never going back there ever again! Or so I thought!

To be continued . . . 

I'm sorry if I can't stray away from my usual overthinking and canker induced rants on this blog. You're probably as tired as I am going on in circles. And doing it again isn't gonna help but here I am again! So, I'm going to talk about a certain population whose idea of success is infuriating.

Why? Because it is a stigma and people should talk about it than just conform to this kind of thinking everyday. These people are mostly from the marginalized sector to the traditional working class and even (lower) middle class in a third world setting. I don't have the statistics to where you may think I based that from -- this is just an empirical observation.

I don't know what it's called but this type of thinking is specious and is the "Schrodinger's Cat" on self-awareness. It's like someone binge-watched a rags-to-riches revenge-laden romantic tragedy backed by three generations of romance and that person along with his family members lived to be the characters of the said show. Every trope, every cliche, every character stereotype were latched onto them. From there, we can probably call it "Embracing the Teleserye culture".

So What's The Problem?

The problem is their idea of success. How can that be such a bad thing? Everyone wants to be successful I get that but their idea of success requires stepping on other people to get ahead and taking things along the way. These people however emerges to be well-developed and three dimensional characters but their idea of equality is ego-centric and like I've said revenge-laden. They make up for what they don't have or never had by going antagonistic on everyone.

What Should Be Done?

I can't just talk about something that most people think isn't there but needs to be addressed and not do anything about it. Talking about the problem is just one of the many ways in battling a social stigma because it raises awareness. If there's anything that can be done to diminish this way of thinking maybe, just maybe, mainstream media would have to play a big role and totally get rid of the typical teleserye formula. It just saddens me that we are living in a generation where people associate scripted drama into their daily lives.

Ugh!!!

Image credit: Abs-Cbn.com

Blog. Why can't I do such thing? A few years ago I can write 10 blog posts a day. Six of them are news articles, two are feature and the rest are personal but now? Now, I've got nothing! Well, this is a start. If that a draft blog post written weeks ago and published out of frustration is considered a blog post then my dear readers here's one for you. But that's not it. There's nothing to write or I can't write and yet blog-worthy things keeps on happening in my life. So fast. Very fast. Days, weeks, everything will just pass by me. To make it worse, things are very challenging at home.

Taken at Riverview, Davao City during a photowalk where a crazy man chased us with stones and a bottle of Red Horse. Crazy story soon! XD

But before I go personal and all. Things are different now. The itch. The itch to write, to blog, to tell stories, to rant, to share my woes and frustrations, my dreams and imagination, they don't come very often these days. But the itch always claws its way into my eyes every time I try to sleep. And when I try to get up and turn on my laptop the itch goes away like a damn traitor. Why do good ideas come to us when we're about to sleep? The result? I end up sleeping the next day when the sun is up. But who knows if the sun is up? I haven't gotten out much since I don't know when. And then my dilemma, I'm unproductive and the itch to write rebels against me. It's just like my hair every time I try to comb it. Just perfect!

But now's another start. Every time I write I say it's a start or another. And then life gets on the way. This is just me dropping by. This is just me trying to find that sleeping child inside my brain begging him to wake the hell up to do wonders, smith words and write dreams. This is not a writer's block. It's a battle of will. There's laziness tempting me into hours of binge-watching with the excuse that these tv shows might extend my vocabulary. I mean, well, they could. It did expand my knowledge about the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the wonderful plans of Kevin Feige, Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard.

 But subconsciously as I watch long hours of TV, I dream of quiescence and solitude. I dream of writing my life as adventurous as one could be. I dream of acing that job interview. I dream of pizza and burger and pizza and fries and pizza and fried chicken. Damn, I need to write my own goddamn autobiography and it has to be awesome. What would my android grandchildren think of me? If they travel back to this time, I can't just allow them to say that "Grumps, don't watch too much TV."

This photo maybe irrelevant but it's beautiful right? :p

I know nothing will ever happen if I don't put some action to it. So now I'm writing. In my own pace, in my own time, I am writing. I don't need the itch. No, not anymore. Why do I itch? Blogging or writing is not a damn kagid (allergy). lol. I needed a spark. An inspiration. Or maybe just a hand. Like I've said, things are very challenging lately especially at home. I'll tell you more about it in my posts to come. :D

Paris is known to be the most romantic city in the world as per pop culture. Hollywood made sure we know of that through nearly every romantic film we stumble across. Have you seen Midnight in Paris? Before Sunrise? An American in Paris by Vicente Minnelli in 1951? Need I say more? And I don't  know why - I haven't been to Paris - but I wonder what's up with people romanticizing that the city is 'that' magical.

I guess I would only find out when I get there but not now. I mean, if I could stay in Paris for the rest of my life, trust me, I would. Unfortunately I couldn't just book a ticket and go all the way to Paris. Okay. That ain't happening just because I want to, even if I really want to.

That's not to say that I haven't tried to get a taste of Paris in any form or way here in our place. I mean, French cuisine, art exhibits, old bookstores, a walk on a cobblestone streets, even my playlist is practically screaming Paris with the Hugo Cabaret soundtrack. French fries, anyone?

But do you know the place I've been to that maybe rings a bell or comes close with Paris? Of course you don't unless you're reading this right now and you learn that in my stay at Cebu I've been to the acclaimed La Vie Parisienne. 


Well, I'm just saying I've been there. I didn't really order anything because you know I'm allergic to alcohol. Also, I was too full for a croissant which was only P25 btw and I - don't be judgy - I was saving for a trip to Bantayan Island for the next day.

Even if I was too tired to actually go anywhere that night I thought it won't hurt to experience a night life in Cebu. Like at least once in maybe a long while. I mean that's what visitors ought to do, right? And my buddies were talking about the place like it was a real deal or something. What choice do I have? A blogger never rests. And man! La Vie Parisienne lived up to the hype!

From the artificial cherry trees with leaves glowing like it's spring or Christmas or whatever and to the clinking of glasses of wine. Ceci est la bombe! They have friggin cherry trees, man! Even if it's fake who in the right mind would not feel welcome in there with those cherry friggin trees giving you a cheery vibe. Okay, bad pun!

The Lhuillers probably had a good time in Paris that their French Bakery, Deli and Wine Library were designed to make you feel like you're in Paris even if you haven't been there yet. Forgive me for not taking any French language class but I just found out La Vie Parisienne literally translates to Parisian Life. Oh, well! Now we know. Hahaha. So, there's the smell of freshly-baked croissants to fill your lungs and they also have this wine library where a pose seems mandatory.

Yeah, I kind of belonged, right!?

In case you're wondering, I haven't really gotten a chance to take photos of their baked goodies because of the long queue inside the bakery so the only thing that comes close to a bread which you can find here are my cheeks. There's also gorgeous people - ehem - like us who are living La Vie Parisienne that night over some good chat and, oh well, over wine. But like I said, I didn't drink! Not even a sip. There should be at least one adult in our group in case they all get really drunk, right?




So the night went on until I noticed some people going Linda Blair on the foreign waiter dude who adjusted what seems to be a retractable roof! Come on, a retractable roof! That's something. Okay, their eyes were mostly on the guy though. Then to another. And well, it clearly depends on their preferences but the thing is, I noticed most people in there are breaking necks by turning their heads on every direction probably in search for a hook up or maybe romance or something. While I, after my butt's intimate relationship with the chair, I wandered around a bit to take these pictures.







Anyway, while wandering off I thought maybe that's how it works! This is how Paris works. Maybe Paris was hailed as one of the most romantic cities because of the set up itself. The music, the lights, the sweet aroma of bread and wine and people looking or taking their chances at romance. Paris. It's a place ideal for lovers and people who are still searching for love, for romance. I get that people always romanticize things as something else. Can't change that. But maybe, like them, that's just the way things are. And you don't get to ask why?

I know my La Vie Parisienne experience (or actually the lack thereof) may not come close to the real Parisian experience but maybe going to these French places is one of those moments where you should just loosen your grip to reality, enjoy whatever life throws at you and just let the magic or Linda Blair take you wherever, whenever or to whomever it wants. And if that's really the case then, I might have just been 'spirited away' to Paris, which is a good thing for La Vie Parisienne.

I open my blog when I get emotional. My blog and my ability to smith words into subsequent strings and paragraphs is my only weapon to this vicious world. Perhaps, I was given this skill to share to my friends, readers or maybe to the world a different perspective - a different light - of how life is, here in the Philippines.

The thing is, I live this seemingly 'okay' life but actually isn't. You can always alter your life online but when you failed to pay your internet bill - you will most likely reflect all the things you've seen and posted - even evaluate your true feelings.

Problems arise from here and there and when shit hits the ceiling. We are no different than those people who we think struggles more than us. The truth is the majority refers to themselves as survivors. Our parents taught us how to survive. And for us, that's just the end of it. The world just means survival.

And that's what I think that's wrong! Man this is not The Walking Dead! No, not yet.

Sunset . Bankerohan Public Market. (c) Cinegang Productions

We take different ways and we gamble even if we get ourselves lost. That's how we live. A life of uncertainty and a life that easily crumbles when you become vulnerable. We weren't taught how to get rich and people always look for others to blame. We blame ourselves and then the government. While the latter is up to debate. Why would you waste your time expressing yourself to our corrupt politicians? Their ears are dead to the poor unless they plan on running again.
 
 Years have passed and still, we learn nothing. We just keep on fighting even if there's no fight to fight. We sometimes think we are being oppressed when we are not. I know this won't make sense to you. And I know I sound a little emotional than I should and that's why I can't tell you exactly where this is going. I also can't tell you what happened prior this but I can tell you one thing. Today, I witnessed how money actually makes the world go round. That's the truth.

We would probably mock scripted shows depicting an exaggerated poor vs rich scenario but when you think about it - it's the truth. And we can't always blame the rich because they stand - and they will - for what would make their lives more convenient. Convenience. An image of a happy family in a big house full of elaborate details, expensive furniture, maids scrubbing the floor, drivers flirting with the maids and guards sleeping by the gate waiting for you to honk a million times.

 On the other side of the coin, is an image of a family struggling and wanting just enough to make ends meet. Surviving. Or maybe even more so that the financial burdens they bear may be dissolved and live a simple life. A small house in a subdivision with a front yard full of flowers and happy people. Happiness.

Happiness isn't a prerequisite to wealth. Get real! It's the other way around.

The only reason why the majority looked happier is because they savor the slightest amount of happiness they can find. And that's not necessarily a good thing. But do you think they're really happy? No. When they get back to their homes after a gossip session with their backstabbing neighbor reality creeps in and they just have to do something. They live in the now. Apparently, survival ain't enough.

Surviving ain't living. And I choose to live.

There have been plenty of developments to my life lately but nothing romantic of the sort. That's not a bummer though because I seriously don't have time for that except that I get to think about it in times like this where my thoughts wander about just everywhere. Gee! I want pizza! I want chicken! I want beer. No. Milktea. Guess, I haven't changed.

Going back, thank God! Finally, I'm a senior student now. Let that sink in for a minute. Whoo! I'm in sheer joy whenever I see myself wearing the senior's uniform. It's like - I don't know - wearing some kind of medal or something. And I get to wear it twice in a week. How about that? You know, forgive me but simple things like that means a lot to me now. Simple things.

Here's an artwork I made recently. It's a personal project I call 'Font Series'.

Simple things because my life just got complicated. Sometimes it's a mess and sometimes I make it appear like it's not. I don't know. Coz, aside from our Capstone project, the On the Job Training which I seriously need to give attention to by rendering more hours and some minor but needy subjects I have taken some risk to get extra income. I know what you're thinking but hold that thought for a while.

I'm not sure about this but all of a sudden it's like the world finally turned around and told me in a very familiar voice "I have piled up some straws for you. Now turn them into gold!". Then you realized the voice was of Morgan Freeman and like any other movies narrated by that cool guy my journey was just about to begin.

And here I am with projects from here and there. I have two out of school affiliations which requires my design and video editing skills, respectively. I'm still with the Davao Bloggers. I have two personal projects on queue and oh my gahd I have some responsibilities in the student government. I have also managed to develop some penchant for Tacos (I normally I don't eat Mexican food), acquired two new gadgets and I may have gotten that 'weird' vibe around me like when I dreamed I ate a live goldfish. Also I've been contemplating of trying 'skateboarding' for a hobby.


I'm not complaining though. In fact, keep them coming YOLO. lol. This is why I haven't been able to blog lately and I don't know, with all the stress, this would either make or break me.

So please if you have nothing important to say don't add up to my stress. Please? Just give me that for my birthday present. And yeah it's coming. I'll be a year older in days time! Hahaha. No plans yet but my empty non-existing wallet tells me that I'm penniless. So I'll probably have no birthday plans at all. I wish to do more good decisions in the years to come though so I can "Live long and prosper." That sounds like a good plan! For now. I'll be Spock until I have some concrete plans for my future. :)

Summer is not summer without the sun slowly burning your epidermis. So, as usual, the day started with me hiding from the shadows of the buildings acting like a superhero or a total fool as I raced against time to save the world. But that's just me singing to Maddona and Justin T's 4 Minutes.

Anyway, I was on my way to the assembly area for our team building activity. Unlike before, I was armed with a wristwatch I stole from my brother. It was a magical wristwatch which gave me magical time-noticing abilities. Time-noticing, new word!

With time on my hands I even got to sing 'Happy' on my way to the school. So, aside from the wristwatch, I've got an old backpack my Mom prepared for me because I don't know how to pack shit! lol.

Grabbed from my IG: Follow me @immarkable

So I finally arrived. But even before I could actually step into the premises of the school I saw two familiar faces along the way. They were the lead organizers of the team building, Jazmine and Jason, and they were just on their way to look for a jeep that would bring us all to Sasa Ferry Wharf; and from the Wharf to Samal Island.

When I finally got inside the school I saw a group of people crowd under the shades of a small tree at the school quadrangle a.k.a Farmville. I'm usually friendly and all but it was just so freaking hot outside that I decided to go inside the SSG office.

After a while I went out to check if my co-ITE legislators, Anna and Kim, has arrived already and they did. So I went to them and we talked a bit about pretty much random stuff but it's mostly about Kim Wong's killer bangs and how I kind of hate 'selfies'. They brought it up when I used my front camera as a mirror. Kim insisted I was doing a selfie so I turned the tables and swore to the old and new Gods that I will pick on Kim's bangs for the rest of the team building. So Anna and I started making jokes about Kim Bangs until BANGS PANES! The jeepney has arrived.

JEEP

So the jeepney ride was just like any other long and boring jeepney rides. It was hot, dusty and the tall grey commercial buildings provided nothing but despair. As expected everyone got a free face powder at the end of the ride.

FERRYBOAT

The locals call it barge but actually it's a ferryboat because it carries passengers as well as vehicles. A barge is built mainly for carrying heavy goods in rivers and canals and we're at the sea so therefore we rode a ferry to get to Samal Island.

Check the top right photo - if you see IT!

Like duh? It's called Ferry wharf for a reason!

Anyway, it wasn't the first time I've gotten aboard a Ferryboat. I think it was my third and I didn't feel seasick this time. Just my luck!

MAHAN GARDEN BEACH RESORT


So our final destination was a resort called Mahan Garden Beach Resort. It is located at Barangay Caliclic, Babak District, Island Garden City of Samal. It was my first time in that resort so I googled about it the night before and I got what I expected.

It wasn't much but they have a spacious front yard where most of the activities could take place.

Sounds fair enough.

My blogger instincts turned on so I toured around and took photos of the tree-houses, gazebos and of course the beach. As expected for Samal beaches, Mahan Garden offers a good white sand beach and inviting blue waters. That's good enough for me.

PROGRAM PROPER

So the program kicked off with some welcome speeches from the organizers and from the SSG moderator Ms. Anaflor Sacopayo. Then we were grouped and like I mentioned on my previous post, I lead team called 'Powerpuff Girls with Mojo-Jojo'. It is composed of 6 girls and 2 boys with me being Mojo. You can connect the dots!

Image Credit: Bottom Left & Right photos c/o Bella Bundan.

It was then followed by a bizarre activity headed by a guest speaker where we were asked to dance some kind of ritual or something. I didn't get the name of the said exercise but it sounded Chinese and the exercise itself was like a mix of yoga, tai chi and kung pao chicken.

Ohh..my mistake, I got hungry writing this! Sorry, I meant shaolin kung fu!

As the activity progressed, things got weirder and weirder with all the clapping and chanting but it's not without any value because the activity is made so that the groups and its members will bond. It also established more 'getting to know' with our teammates, like we got to know who's the competitive, the know-it-all, the thinker et al. More activities followed but I just feel the need to mention the dramatic chops of the execs who tested everyone's patience and temper by acting like a pain-in-the-ass. Like, bitches on the beach!

TEAM BUILDING SET 1

So this is it pancit!

I was running towards the front yard with my girls and the other groups. The moment we got there, we were briefed about mechanics of the game called 'Stepping Stones'. So the mechanics of Stepping Stones is simply that all members of a group should get across the other side of the garden without touching the ground. A line was drawn on the other side for obvious reasons. But here's the catch! Everyone must run to the far side of the garden and choose their 'stepping stones' from a pile of rocks, tiles and well - stones!

Image Credit: Bella Bundan

We thought it was going to be easy and I think it was. But we had to repeat three times because one of my girls couldn't get her balance right. lol. But to be fair, we got the wrong set of 'stones'. We got some big tiles yes, but we also have rocks with rough and edgy surfaces making it almost impossible to maintain equilibrium. It was the first activity so we kind of felt bad about being the last to finish but one of the execs, Jason, told us that even though we finished last, we finished the fastest. So we felt good ulet! lol. Bipolar lang. Hahaha!

The second game was the most aggravating of all. It's called Helium and it really tests one's patience. Something that I really don't have. So the objective of the game is to lower this hula hoop to the ground with each of the member holding out a finger where the hula hoop can rest. It's still about balancing and all. If your finger doesn't touch the bottom of the hula hoop then someone would blow a loud whistle into your ears, into your nerves and shatter your brain! DO IT AGAIN!

Image Credit:  Bella Bundan

One of the powerpuffs, Alysa, told us she played this game before so we decided to go with her strategy. She took the lead and told us to trust her, told us to close our eyes but it was damn hard for me! In a tricky situation with one of your senses off you're probably as good as dead. So it didn't work out like she wanted and we're sorry about that but things just don't work out the first time.

So we changed our strategy. To be honest we really didn't have any real strategy. But with our eyes wide open we started talking, we started communicating, with respect to Alysa we still listened to her every word. Then Karen spoke, and I did too because I almost had a heart-attack when my finger almost lost contact with the hula. It did several times, I got caught several times and I almost lost hope. But then we realized we couldn't possibly lower it all at the same time or one at a time, it needs two to three person to move and then wait for the other side to move. It's like maintaining a healthy relationship, there should be give and take! Char Baki!

And before we know it, we were on the ground already. Yes! We were last again but what matters is that we made it. I just wanted it done to be honest! But we made it. :D

NIGHT TIME

After dinner everyone was invited to head over the function hall for a Night Jam. Later on, everyone went to the beach where they prepared a cult-ish arrangement of candles and torches. lol. Seriously, it was a cool set-up. The kind that reminds you of the TV show 'Survivor'. It was supposed to be campfire but for some reasons campfires are prohibited. I don't know what this portion is called but I referred to it as the "Intimate candlelit Sharing by the Beach" in my previous post. That pretty much describes the whole affair. Everyone opened up, except for a few others like me and my co ITE legislators who never got the chance to talk but it was okay because we were really sleepy by then and our stories would never amount to any of the sob stories shared by the others.


Even so, I liked this part of the Team Building because I love listening to stories and I could relate to some especially with stopping school, financial trials, weight problems, and someone shared about being a rover scout! Woot. It was just nice to know that you are not alone in this world. Not ever!

After that I went to the girl's dormitory to avail of the free wifi by Ilovekaye. I also stopped by the function hall where some of my co-participants where watching the indie film 'Yanggaw'. Finally, I hit the sack! And there ends the first day of the Team Building! :D

Anyway, here's a video of our Team Building Day 1 compiled and edited by Viennarz Curtiz.

I am definitely a late bloomer in all sorts and freakin angles. Oh wait! That should have been late boomer because BOOM! Lazying over summer took its toll and I lost all of my best angles. Fortunately, I didn't lose anything else than that, especially my vir...tual presence and my grasp on leadership trainings or the things I brought with me for this year's UIC-SSG Team Building activity.

It's been a long time since my last team building so I was kinda lost at the start of the program. Until came such time that we got to meet our fellow legislators, the execs and the creative team and finally my past experiences haunted me the harsh reality that I will have to go through some back-breaking obstacles, again!


Well, it's not like I went there for leisure but for a moment I forgot the things that makes a team building - a team building! Just so you know, a team building can't be without me! Char lang. It can't be without some serious challenge. Well, silly looking obstacles for that matter but not as easy as they look. And dude! I was not prepared this time. Perhaps, time and my other interests got into the way that I got used to less strenuous activities which gave me a jolt of shock upon realizing that this time I'm going to lead a team.

Whaaaat? So there I was in a position I have not yet mastered because I used to be in the support side of things. But what do you know? During some of the activities, all the things I've learned or once forgotten came back to me while adrenaline and the pressure of competition called all of the saints and pumped up all of my cells, both the living and the dead. But I couldn't have done it without my powerful team of sugar, spice and everything nice! You know that, don't you?

Obviously the highlight of the Team building was getting to know the people that I will be with in SSG for the upcoming semester but it's hard to say that the Amazing race or the Intimate candlelit Sharing by the Beach cannot be counted as highlights. So yeah, this is the best of my year so far with more than one highlight in a single event!

Anyway, this post is just a brief introduction of the amazing things I've experienced from our activity. Don't worry I'm preparing a narrative of our 2-Day team building and stay at Mahan Beach Resort, Island Garden City of Samal. There will be more details and photos next time I promise! ^_^

I'm writing this not because I wanted to, I'm writing this because there are times like today when I feel like the world is trying to get me and I want to blame others, hurt myself, let depression slip in, shut people out and destroy everything I see. Fortunately, I can get past all that but this is my way of coping up with the bad things that happened.

They say this is a good exercise and it's quite true. Expressing yourself and releasing the tension by writing about your 'Worst day ever!' actually helps. Crying yourself to sleep also helps too! You know, emo shit like that. A moment you regret telling to your hypocrite friends who act like they've never been to the weakest points of their lives. And yet you still count them as friends! Hoo-hoo!

But just because it works fine to me doesn't mean it would work well for you. Remember that we react differently on different fucking situations but don't forget to ask this whenever you feel like the world is plotting a murder against you - "Where, how and to whom do I share my woes, my frustrations and my anger?" You can start there! As for the rest, well, fuck you! Figure it out yourself.

Hindi lahat nasasagot ng World Peace!

So, what the hell happened to me this time? I don't want to go into details but the last straw of my agonizing day was my phone getting fucked up with a moist on the front camera and its fucking touchscreen freezes from time to time. And just to clarify, I DID NOT DO ANYTHING that could have resulted to this madness! It just decided to go batshit crazy! You know, I can deal with the front cam being foggy because honestly I'm not a fan of selfie. But damn it's a new phone! I bought it 3 weeks ago. It's my hard earned money and fuck whoever made Cloudfone!

I never consulted my friends - well, I did but I didn't listen - I know right! I'm a fucking moron and now I'm too embarrassed to even tell my friends what happened because I know their response would be 'I told you so...'. Like that would help me!? When bad things happen you would want someone who has big ears and a small mouth. I maybe describing a mouse but if a mouse could listen and not criticize then why can't you? Char lamang.

Fortunately, a service center for Cloudfone will open this month here in Davao. Probably, on the 28th of May because of some stupid superstition that 28 is a good day for openings. So that means starting today I need to fucking wait, if my assumptions are right, 10 fucking days.

I don't even know what's the point of this post, I should have just posted this on facebook so that my friends would see how terrible my writing is when I'm on the verge of an emotional outburst. So that people who don't like me would be happy about my little misery. That while some people are sharing their comfortable lives through their smartphones here I am belching about not having both - AGAIN!

Well, I shouldn't be like this considering my smartphone experience was rather short-lived but I've got 4 more reasons to foolishly post something like this, but as I've mentioned earlier I won't go into details this time. I think I'm going to blog about the one that involves 'hairs' though. Just so you wait! I'm telling you, that is something.

Patience is indeed a virtue! But I swear if my phone won't get fixed, I will go in my way into making the lives of those who forced me to buy that crappy phone (because the one I wanted was out of stock) live miserably as well. Just kidding! But if I could I would but I can't so I shan't. Pero ibang klase sila mang jamming about sa specs and warranty! Bantay lang! You know how I easily submit to peer pressure right? You probably know that I hate myself every day for that, I never learn and this just makes me hate myself more.

This may sound too forced considering my tone in this blog post but if you ever feel the same way. If you ever feel like the world is conspiring against you. I want you to know that you are not alone. Char. And if you're faced with the same phone problems, I'll update this post the moment I get to the service center aaaaaaand here are some tips to not make things go worse.

1.) If you have tried everything to recover your once well-functioning smartphone - reset, restore factory, reboot, take out the battery - and impatience is trying to kill you, prevent yourself from seeing the phone! lol. You will just feel bad and helpless and you're gonna try to do a lot more things that you think 'MAY' work but could also worsen the situation. If you're not an expert on the matter don't push it! Keep it away from you.

2.) Don't blame yourself for everything. Sometimes things just go out of your control but you can always control yourself.

3.) Don't be sorry for the f-words in times like this. That word isn't restricted to coitus so use it if it makes you feel any better. Yeah, like pretty much the way 'The Hound' used it in Game of Thrones! Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the king.

4.) Accept that these things happen and don't 'always' blame the world. In fact, make peace with the world. Hindi lahat nasasagot ng World Peace, minsan dapat baliktad - Peace World! Whether it be genuine or with spite at least it has a positive light. The world is old as fuck so Karma and Yin and Yang is probably some serious fact! Mahirap na, baka seryosohin ka ng mundo.

5.) Try to do good things on the side so you'll feel lighter. If you still feel heavy try Dulcolax!

So I guess this is another post which I'll read and regret many years from now. But the thing is, I wrote this not because I wanted to, I wrote this because I needed to.

I am someone who doesn't really like to drink alcohol. To tell you the truth, I self-diagnosed myself with an allergic reaction to it. I tell you it's the best excuse out there if you're not really into drinking. If not, then you can always tell your friends you are on a beer diet or you don't wanna end up like King Joffrey. lol.

Anyway, when I told people about it I heard them say it's awful. Well, they mean different kinds of awful. It's awful because I can't get to drink as much as they do or it's awful because it's an allergy and they think I'm sad about it but I'd rather have them think "If he can't drink there's more for me then!". I never really liked drinking.

But I will never forget that person who grimaced in disbelief when he heard me say that I'm allergic to alcohol. That person even told me that I can never have fun and that it's the worst. Maybe for him!? But seriously? Well, if that's his idea of fun then maybe....hmmm...friendship over? Just kidding. Maybe I should respect that. But fun? Hahaha.

The first time my tongue touched a glass full of beer was on a glorious Summer night when I was little and then I shrunk into the size of pea. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. It's bitter and its nasty taste leaves your mouth foul like FOREVER. And I'm not exaggerating. I did the 'face'. Just thinking about it makes me remember the taste. And I disliked it ever since! Now, I can tolerate the taste of any alcoholic beverages but I go by with little amounts and gulps and sometimes nothing at all because my friends are too drunk to notice I skipped a turn.

About my allergy, I know I should have consulted a doctor just to be sure but anyway whenever I drink - which is rarely - I itch, I get red spots and the first time I got drunk - It was Freshmen Night! - my back felt sore as hell I told myself to never drink again. But of course, that's what most first timers tell themselves. You get a bad experience and you say 'never'. Please don't make the same mistake and never say never. You're not Justin Bieber! Zzz. I know I can do better than that. 

In my case, of course, and my age who wouldn't get to drink when you're surrounded by people who would goad, cheer and egg you to drink more than your threshold. I called it beer pressure. Apparently, everyone does! I thought I've finally invented a word. And it's really frustrating because you have to drink in the spirit of fun, camaraderie, friendship and all that. I mean yes it can get fun but the thought that you ought to do it because, I don't know, you ought to do it? It's so complicated.

I know I can always say no but then suddenly I'm boring and all. Who wants to be labeled boring? So this is just a random post I did after the most 'drink' I had in one sitting. I had a bacardi, jager meister and fortunately one tequila shot. Apparently, one of each and I'm tired, I'm dizzy, I don't know, I may never get to try those drinks again, or I will never drink again ... or maybe this is a drunk blog post? What the hell!? This is a BUI.

So, I don't really a have point to make or maybe I made some, somewhere in the post, you do the thinking. I'm just you know, gonna drink lots of water, be boring and let my friends tell the story of how I succumb to beer pressure - again!

I have no regrets though because I did have fun! Like I said, it's complicated. Thank you for inviting me to your party last night Coffee Chic! :D

When you grow with a particular group that you had given time to, passionately served and is partly responsible for the great things that has happened to you; You feel a sense of gratitude that's just indescribable. You feel a sense of sadness when thoughts of you or your co-members leaving pops in your head. A sense of pride just by looking how much the group has grown throughout the years and probably a sense of horror because when you looked at the mirror, you have literally grown so much you look like Barney the Dinosaur. Yeah, the kind of horrawr!


And just so you'll see what I mean, here's a Before and After photo of me with 4 years and approx. 10kg. gap in between. #SocialSuicide

Hoy! No judgies! May lens flare na yan pang-distract! Hahaha

God! How time flies by so quickly. I'm with the Davao Bloggers for 4 years now, 2 years as an officer and what I can say? I think I've graduated already. In fact, when I entered the hallways of Bucket Shrimps during the DBS Acquaintance Party I posed that 'thinking' to myself. It's time to pass the torch. Char, ang drama lang! Maybe it's an act of adjustment because the Davao Bloggers is turning a new chapter and I don't see myself in it. Aside from the fact that I am no longer an officer there's me with a lot on my plate thinking about lying low for a while so I could focus on my studies and all. Just to clarify, when I said I have a lot on my plate I don't mean an actual plate. Diet ako!

Also, I somehow positioned myself to the past officers especially those who now has their respective careers. Thinking about it made me ask myself "Where do I go from here?". Pocahontas lang ang peg? Hahaha.

So anyway, with that in mind, my ninja skills grew wild that I tried to hide from people who'd probably ask me "How are you Mark?". I was really an uncomfortable and touchy mess that time. At first, I tried to dodge every camera that points at my direction, I even hid in the comfort room during the introduce-yourself-portion - Sorry! - and tried to be as quiet as possible in our table. But then, who am I kidding? Everyone loves me! Char lang.

Seriously though I was not myself that time. Maybe it's the haircut! Which I really like by the way. But fortunately, I've eventually grown tired of acting like a has-been, a snob and a party pooper. If that's my attitude I shouldn't have attended the party in the first place. But you know what made me realize all that? The 'feels' I felt the moment the new set of officers were inducted. Char. It was as though I embodied all those who missed their children's dance recitals in movies but this time I made it - they made it. Yeah,  that's weird! It's just that I think the new officers don't deserve to have someone acting like that in a party they've worked so hard to organize. Clearly, I've been there.

From that moment on I recouped my happy cells. After dinner, I started walking around and then I talked to my friends, acquainted with some of the new faces and participated in the games. I mean, who are they kidding?  It's trivia night! Nobody says no to Trivia Night! For most official Davao Bloggers it's a thing!

So I was reunited with the past and outgoing officers, my Positive Peeps circle and also with my acheche friends after almost a year in a 'Now you see me. Now you don't!' state. Coz you know I've been so busy with school. And I don't know, but I couldn't get any happier that night. Then it hit me! This is why we have Acquaintance parties. I mean when we started it, one of our goals was just to increase our membership but now that we've got a good number it's different. I mean it would still be a good thing that we increase in number but now, it has more meaning to it.

We have Acquaintance parties not just to make new acquaintances or build connections, it's a time of re-connecting, sharing and transformation. We go there to reconnect and catch up to the people we've lost track to, we go there to share the things we've learned and we go there with our new haircut, our OOTD-worthy getup, our new wisdom to show everyone how much we have grown.

And cut!

Now that the torches have been passed I can finally say, I am now eligible to join any contest conducted by the Davao Bloggers Society. So I would like to thank all the sponsors who helped make the event possible! Thank you Smart Communications, Bucket Shrimps, Krispy Kreme, Banana Beach, Tune Hotels, Cebu Pacific, Lachi's Sansrival Atbp and MySkin Origins. :D

P.S. - In case you're wondering, I was not able to take any photos during the party because I forgot to bring our cam and my *old* phone was useless. XD