New Zodiac Signs 2011

1:38 AM

I just can't believe what's on the news right now.New Astrological Signs 2011!? The world have gone under a drastic change and everyone's still in shock, self-doubt, panic and even emo-ness! So how did the new astrological signs changed? And what is this new astrological sign they call "Ophiuchus - the 13th Zodiac"?

Here's the list of the New Set of Zodiac Signs and their Dates

Confusing as it maybe at first.But this is the result of those who became doubtful of what
their horoscope is truly is.A hybrid of two horoscopes for each except for Scorpio!
(Click on Image to Enlarge)
Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

The tilt of the Earth's axis has gradually shifted since the ancient times when the Babylonians determined the dates of the Zodiac. The calendrical rejiggering also supposedly re-introduced a sign discarded by the Babylonians: Ophiuchus, alternatively called the much-cooler sounding Serpentarius. -http://abcnews.go.com

I know this news made most of you upset on the astronomers,astrologers, Minnesota Planetarium Society board member Parke Kunkle and even to yourself.And that you just can't accept that your zodiac signs have changed! I personally didn't like the thought of being a LEO.I was a Virgo before and believed that I've always been since birth.

The characteristics of a Virgo actually suits me well not only because I've read it on some crappy horoscope or newspaper but because I know myself more than anyone else.My birth date might not have changed but it feels as if they already changed it.And now they're introducing another zodiac sign? Ophiuchus they call it. The 13th Zodiac? I say WTF!

About how many movies, about how many books, how many daily horoscopes have been released? And yet, after 3000 years all of these are pieces of sh*t! and that The new zodiac means I'm not really what they told me I was all this time?

If you come to think of it. . the new astrological signs has a great impact on mostly everyone.And below is a list of its ups and downs.

  • Everyone will think they're new zodiac is lame.
  • Horoscope freaks like most of my hopeless romantic friends will probably cry because they are not compatible with their crushes anymore.
  • Some might just become compatible with their crushes!
  • Most playboys will say "I need a new girlfriend".
  • Worse, All those married couples who are astrologically compatible might just file a divorce.
  • Everyone will ask their parents if they're just adopted.
  • Parents will ask their parents if they were adopted.
  • Scorpio's who turned into Libra will be hired on circus as balancers.
  • One way to find if your adopted is to ask your parents when did they "do it"?
  • People who had their zodiac signs tattooed will have their skin removed.
  • Tattooists will be blamed!
  • Cosmetic surgeons will become in demand.
  • Those who had a tattoo of Aries might just want to add  another fish tail on them for they are now "Pisces" or a hybrid.
  • Aries will say "I was a stubborn, hot-headed Ram but now I'm a sickly pair of fish".
  • From the King of the Jungle, All Leo's will discover they have cancer.Awts.they are cancer! I mean.
  • All Ophiuchus will find it hard to pronounce it.
  • Female Virgo's will become aggressive.
  • People, read the wrong horoscope ever since.
  • Virgo's would say "I'm no longer 'the Virgin' but a sick masochist lion". (OMG!!)
  • You've consulted the wrong fortuneteller!
  • All Taurus will be demoted into one of the lowest specie of cattle -goat.
  • Aquarius will instantly become capricious!
  • Gemini couples will bear calves! 
  • Mr. Crabs now has a twin brother!
  • Capricious people will turn into centaurs.
  • All libra's who had sex are back again from being virgins and even if they'll do it again - they'd still be virgin for around 6000 more years.
  • Most Sagittarius will now carry an anaconda instead of bow and arrow.
  • But the biggest news is. . . 
Mr. Crabs is now the King of the Jungle!


I'm not really fond of astrology, astronomy or even reading horoscopes.But I'm used to the fact(f*ck) that I'm a Virgo.All my horoscopes are overly vague nonetheless wrong but Virgo describes me perfectly and that only shows how bogus Astrology can be!

This is not the case in here however.People took the change in the zodiac seriously that they didn't noticed.The change was caused by the shifting of the tilt of the Earth's axis.Meaning there's something even terrible that could happen! Some of which are  mentioned on my blog post: Snow in the Philippines.

But then if you're really desperate about getting your old zodiac back! Hold on to this world and wait up to 6000 years before it happens and I tell you - according to those Astrobastards it really will! Or you might just want to consider the "New Zodiac Sign Chart Above".

P.S: I hate this I just found out my brother's zodiac didn't change.(He was born on Sept.17 and remained a Virgo ever since! Err..)

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42 comments

  1. FaustJanuary 15, 2011 at 1:57 AM

    so mark, what do you call a scorpio that turned to libra?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maki CabreraJanuary 15, 2011 at 2:08 AM

    @Kuya Faust: We can name it "Scorpra" or "Librio".lol. :))
    But the good thing is, may bagong work ka na: "Scorpio's who turned into Libra will be hired on circus as balancers."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ms Mizuki ChanJanuary 15, 2011 at 2:28 AM

    nice post...thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maki CabreraJanuary 15, 2011 at 2:34 AM

    @Ms. Mizuki Chan: Aww..No problem..thanks for dropping by.hehe

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kc KarLaJanuary 15, 2011 at 2:42 AM

    d q feel ang pagbabago'.. napamahal na sa akin ang gemini'.. :(

    ReplyDelete
  6. merzyeclaJanuary 15, 2011 at 2:51 AM

    wahahaha.. leo na xa, si misay virgo na.. lol :))

    ReplyDelete
  7. Maki CabreraJanuary 15, 2011 at 3:04 AM

    @KC: Ako din eh..napamahal na ako sa virgo.

    @Merz: Ewan! :-L kaini s leo na ako..how about you?
    Si Misay din naging virgo.lol..paano na yan sang?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hoobert the AwesomeJanuary 15, 2011 at 5:26 AM

    It's not a big deal for me Mark. Taurus pa rin kasi ZS ko. And it sucks. Hahaha.

    Kawawa naman close friend ko. Ophi-whatevs na ang ZS niya. Hina pa naman nya sa spelling. XD

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maki CabreraJanuary 15, 2011 at 7:19 AM

    @Poot: Buti ka pa!
    Too bad for him, sana di rin sya mahirapang i pronounce yun.

    ReplyDelete
  10. LeiJanuary 15, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    parang outcast ka naman kapag ophiuchus ang zodiac mo. dati pa nakita pero dinedma ka lang. lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. Maki CabreraJanuary 15, 2011 at 3:44 PM

    :)) At lalong kang di-dedmahin dahil magkakanda bulol-bulol ang mga tao kasasabi ng zodiac sign mo! =))

    ReplyDelete
  12. Melissa CarpioJanuary 16, 2011 at 6:43 AM

    aq tlaga agad ang naalala nyo ni merz man noh??!! hahahaha... well.. i don't care kung mging 20 pa ang bilang ng mga zodiac signs bsta i'll stick to my zodiac.. LIBRA no matter what!!! hahaha..:p

    ReplyDelete
  13. Maki CabreraJanuary 16, 2011 at 6:56 AM

    @Redaddict: Awww,,Oo naman ikaw una naming naalala! misay_libra14 ka kaya.lol.hahaha!


    Ako din, I'll stick being a virgo! Old set of Zodiacs FTW!
    =)) New set of Zodiacs WTF!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJanuary 16, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    Your spelling and grammar is appalling. :I

    ReplyDelete
  15. Maki CabreraJanuary 16, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    @Anonymous: No, its not.It's awful! Darn it. =))

    ReplyDelete
  16. FaustJanuary 17, 2011 at 5:12 PM

    @Mark.. yay i hope that does not happen.. cross fingers

    ReplyDelete
  17. woaini_87January 20, 2011 at 5:00 AM

    I always liked being a Scorpion although they said that we always remember if ppl are bad to us.. but being called a libra now??? i don't likey.. =(

    ReplyDelete
  18. Maki CabreraJanuary 20, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    @Faust: *crosses my fingers too* haha. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. AprilJanuary 20, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    Argh!!! ayoko sa NEW ZODIAC SIGN KKKOOOO...!!!!


    FROM RAM TO FISH!!!! EEEWWWW...!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Maki CabreraJanuary 20, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    @Woaini_87: Woot! Thanks for visiting.
    Hmmm..just think of this, Once a scorpio always a scorpio.I'm a virgo by heart and will always be!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Maki CabreraJanuary 20, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    @April: Let me just repeat what I have stated above "You were a stubborn, hot-headed Ram but now a sickly pair of fish". =))

    ReplyDelete
  22. AprilJanuary 20, 2011 at 6:54 PM

    @Mark: UGH!!! I'm more of a hot-headed ram than a sickly pair of fish!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Maki CabreraJanuary 20, 2011 at 6:57 PM

    I know right. :))
    and I'm more of a virgin than a masochist lion like Edward Cullen.lol

    ReplyDelete
  24. richardJanuary 21, 2011 at 5:20 AM

    gulong gulo na ako dyan sa zodiac sign. dati pa... kasi minsan taurus ako. minsan naman gemini... iba-iba! may 21 kasi birthday ko...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Maki CabreraJanuary 21, 2011 at 5:53 AM

    :)) lol.I will mark your birthday on my events calendar.lol.
    Don't worry, hindi lang ikaw ang naguguluhan!

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousJanuary 22, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    ang taba ng utak mo noh,naisip mong gawing 13 ung zodiac sign....bat d mo ginawang 365 pra tag-iisa taung zodiac sign........mgkanya kanya n tayong zodiac sign.....

    ReplyDelete
  27. Maki CabreraJanuary 22, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    @anonymous: At talagang sinisi mo ako kung bat naging 13 ang zodiac signs? lol. =)) naku kung kaya ko lang gawing 365, kahit isang milyon..or based on the world's population pa! :)] tawagan ko lang ang mga astronomers.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    parang uncomf'table mgng pisces..i have been an aries for more 20 years..then after, a news about having a new Zodiac had came and the entire earth were confused of what would be their new Zodiac Signs..OMG!!!
    i would rather not change of what Zodiac Sign (ARIES) i have always been preferred to!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. tetetJanuary 24, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    It's "adopted", not "adapted". :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousFebruary 3, 2011 at 5:36 PM

    totoo na bah 'to??? as in eto na ang bagong sodiac signs?
    :(( ~x(

    ReplyDelete
  31. UnknownFebruary 27, 2011 at 6:58 AM

    WoW man actually i m going to have an oral presentation on this shit and u made my work so easy :) thanks for sharing this =) *bows*

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousFebruary 28, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    ;;) haha

    ReplyDelete
  33. AnonymousFebruary 28, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    bt mukang suma c ophiuchus? =))

    ReplyDelete
  34. AnonymousJuly 23, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    according to this i am Gemini, but i was born cancer and the characteristics of a cancer is me exactly, i refuse to say im a cancer

    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousAugust 6, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    I was born on september 17 too:)

    ReplyDelete
  36. AnonymousSeptember 19, 2011 at 12:38 AM

    this is bs there is 12 for a reason

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    So, I read the Aquarius horoscope today. It's strange to think this doesn't resemble me anymore, and yet it did not even come close. I am a ram now, interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  38. AnonymousOctober 24, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    I red a book about the 13 Zodiac Signs. It is a new theory about Astrology. It sounds interesting: "Astrology of the 13 Signs of the Zodiac" by Vasilis Kanatas.

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousDecember 27, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    This is only made for people who were born this year. If you were born before now then your zodiac sign remains the same. I am and always will be a Capricorn! I'm proudly a goat! So don't worry and don't think your sign changes just because they made a new sign, because it doesn't matter. Your sign stays the same.

    ReplyDelete
  40. AnonymousMay 29, 2012 at 9:22 AM

    LOL I am now two signs! So weird!Im Leo and cancer. Before, i was just leo.

    ReplyDelete
  41. AnonymousNovember 10, 2012 at 5:30 PM

    im stayin wit the old zodiac this stuff is stupid

    ReplyDelete
  42. AnonymousDecember 7, 2012 at 5:44 AM

    I've been a 'to the T' cancer, 4th of July; however, since 2008 Ive been slipping in my typically described personality traits. perhaps having 2 zodiac signs may work out yet. Woohoo

    ReplyDelete



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